I love the elderly, really I do, but can Paw Paw and Big Momma please stop driving these big bodied vehicles? They’re always rollin’ in some Lincoln Continental, Cadillac El Dorado or a Buick Roadmaster. Most are driving 20 mph in a 45 mph speed zone and some of them can barely see over the steering wheel.

How about suggesting to your grandparents the great handling of a Toyota Yaris, a Honda Civic Hybrid or a Nissan Sentra? It will save them on gas and will save us from having scraped up cars because Madea can’t pull into a parking space properly at the local Piggly Wiggly.

Ro came home for the Thanksgiving holidays. On Friday night, he and I went to dinner at this couple’s home, who are friends of Ro’s family. Their entire home is decorated with an African theme.

Ro tried to prep me for this before I entered the home. He said, “Nikki, just so you won’t be shocked, the running theme in this home is Africa. Just wanted to warn you. They are cool peeps, just that the interior design will take you aback.”

So with that in mind, as we entered their home and I looked around, I had to try to compose myself and not laugh in their faces. There were so many animal prints throughout this home that if the Crocodile Hunter weren’t already dead, looking at that home would have killed him.

The foyer was nicely arranged with djembe drums, mudcloth throws and greenery, but once you turned the corner to enter the den……….BLAM, zebra prints. I’m talking zebra print couch, rug, drapes, etc. Then they have one bedroom decorated in leopard prints, another in tiger stripes, and a third in giraffe.

My abs were hurting from trying to stifle my laughs at this monstrosity of a house. Ro kept saying, “Nikki, please be nice.” I couldn’t even look at those people with a straight face. I wanted to say to them, “Who the fuck told y’all this was cute?”

And during the course of the evening, I needed to excuse myself to the bathroom, and I was not prepared for what awaited me in the throne room. Looked like a friggin’ tropical rainforest. Vines from plants running everywhere, bamboo looking shower curtains, and even the wallpaper looked like a forest. I was afraid to even sit on the toilet. I thought a monkey was going to jump out at any time.

I must have startled Ro when I came out of the bathroom, because I had this look of shock on my face, so Ro said, “Well, it’s getting late, I think it time for us to get home.” On that ride home I was able to let out the laugh of laughs that I wanted to release from my body all evening long. Ro looked at me and said, “I did try to warn you.” I replied, “If ever the fashion police was need, they sure are needed now.” As Katt Williams would say, “Never in the history of niggadom have I seen such tackiness.”

Bebe Moore Campbell
(February 18, 1950 - November 27, 2006)

Growing up, I’ve always heard elders talk about deaths occuring in 3’s, but I’d never really paid attention to that saying until now. First Ed Bradley, then Gerald Levert and now today a voice in the literary world was silenced.

Author Bebe Moore Campbell died today at 12:15 am at the age of 56 from complications due to brain cancer. Her book, Your Blues Ain’t Like Mine, was one of my favorites. May she rest in peace.

It’s time for Spot the Plot:

Have you seen Common in the Gap ads for Christmas? Y’all know I love me some Common, so I was extremely excited when I first saw the commercial. He’s the new spokesman for Gap’s hooded sweatshirts, sweaters and jackets. Bow Wow also has a commercial to be released as well for Gap’s hooded sweatshirts, sweaters and jackets.

Gap always has some innovative commercials with musicians and actors, which I think is cool. But maybe I was reading too much into these new Peace Love Gap commercials. I tend to over analyze shit when I’ve had too much eggnog to drink. But I was watching the commercial again last week and I was saying to self, “Is the Gap targeting the urban youth with this ad?”

Gap is calling this ad campaign Holiday in your Hood. You have 2 hip-hop artists selling your wares, hoodies specifically. Don’t get me wrong, I see you have other races sprinkled throughout the commercial, but c’mon dawg, we all know that the urban youth are the main ones wearing hooded sweatshirts and parkas.

If you surf the Gap website, you’ll see celebrities like Maria Bello, Stephanie Seymour, Diane Kruger, Helen Mirren, Taylor Hackford, Deepak Chopra, Claudia Schiffer and Seal wearing various hooded garments. That’s a broad range of individuals, right? How come Seal isn’t in the commercials singing about Peace Love Gap. Is it because the Gap thinks that he won’t reach that target audience for hoodies?

I attended the funeral of my oldest aunt’s husband on yesterday. After most funerals, my family usually gathers at the home of the bereaved family for the repast and to socialize with family members we haven’t seen in a while.

Well, on this day, my family was chatty as usual, but some of the elder females in the family, in their late 60’s to early 70’s, started to question 4 of my female cousins and I as to why we weren’t married with kids. In fact, one of them actually asked us if we were we gay.

Why is it that if a woman is single with no kids and in her 30’s or early 40’s, she has to be gay in the eyes of some people? From time to time, I’ve even gotten this on occasion from people, “What are you waiting on? You’re getting older you know, and pretty soon you won’t be able to have kids.”

I have 3 male cousins and a brother who also are not married and have no kids, but they don’t get this same grilling by the elderly female members of the family. Why are we singled out and not them? What’s wrong with me focusing on my career, then wanting to settle down?

I’ve seen too many divorces from friends and family members who have married and had children early in their lives. It’s not for everyone. Trust me, I would love to be married and have a child or two, but until God is ready for me to do so, I will wait.