I tell you, just when I’d put a dent in my wallet this week, Christmas shopping for my little cousins, Mom, my brother and some goodies for myself, I get a check in the mail today for a gig I’d forgotten that I’d done.
I love these unscripted surprises. God is good! He may not come when you want him, but He’s always right on time.
My neighborhood has a theme every year for Christmas. From snow flocked Christmas trees in your lawn, to red ribbons, etc. Well, for the past couple of years, the theme has been white lights, meaning your house has to be adorned in white Christmas lights.
Not wanting to start any static, I participated as well. I have white lights along the edge of my roof in the front of the house, but I also have a wreath on my front door, along with a spotlight shining on said wreath, and a single candle light in each window of the front of the house. Nice and simple, nothing outlandish.
But my neighbor up the block from me, Mrs. Barnes, she takes it to the extreme. She has enough white lights on her house and in her lawn that planes could use her lawn as a landing strip. It’s so bright, that even the baby Jesus in the manger on her lawn has to cover his eyes. I would love to see her electric bill for the month of December.
I thought I’d take a page out of the Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories skit and talk about my brush with celebrities I’d met over the years.
Chapter 1: Babyface
I met Babyface a few years ago during a press junket in Detroit. I’d been a fan of his music since his years with The Deele and his production work with Midnight Star. Besides, I’d attended college in Ohio and had seen him perform in Cincinnati from time to time.
But on this particular day, I was pretty much speechless when I came face to face with Mr. Whip Appeal himself. That was until he said “Hi” to me in an elevator. Awestruck, I could barely eek out the words, “Hello.” And then it hit me. I nearly fainted. Not because I was in shock from meeting Babyface, but because of this stench that engulfed the elevator.
You see, this meeting took place back during the time Babyface first started embracing this holistic lifestyle and rockin’ his hair in twists. Hell, I wear twists myself, and I think that it’s cool that you want to live and eat healthy. So as I stood vitually silent within that elevator, trying not to pass out, Babyface was killing me softly with his body odor. Tears were starting to form in the corners of my eyes.
I guess his holistic lifestyle didn’t include the use of soap and water……….or deodorant for that matter. That was sooooooooo not for the cool in him. When the elevator stopped on my floor to exit, I think I nearly knocked him over trying to get off of the elevator to catch a breath of fresh air. And to this day, that fungus among us incident is the first thing I think about whenever I hear his music.
I’m not really the type of person to tell some other person how to raise their child. I don’t have a child of my own, but I have a godson and little cousins that I care for like they’re my own children.
So when I see parents out with their kids in the malls, grocery stores, etc. during the winter and the parent is clearly wearing a heavy winter coat and the child is either wearing a lightweight springtime jacket or nothing at all, I get pissed off.
What the fuck are you thinking? If it’s cold enough outside for you to put on a goose down coat, then don’t you think you child should be bundled up just as well? Take your ass to Old Navy, Target or Baby Gap and get that child a winter coat, gloves and a hat! Public beat downs should be issued to these parents who do stupid shit like this.
I’ve gotten some great Christmas presents over the years. Like the Sit ‘n Spin I got at age 5, the lime green Huffy 10-speed bike I received at age 12, the Nintendo NES system at age 15 (remember blowing on the game cartridge to clean it whenever the game wouldn’t boot up?), the Honda Elite scooter at age 17 and my first Fender Stratacoustic guitar at age 21. Ahhhhhhhhh, good times.
I’ve also received some bad gifts as well, like Fruit of the Loom every year since age 19 from one of my older cousins and her husband and a hideous sweater from someone I considered a good friend at the time. Trust me it was one ugly ass sweater. Needless to say, the sweater broke up the friendship.
But by far the worst Christmas gift I’ve ever received was in the 2nd grade when my homeroom class was forced to pull names for Christmas and a girl named Michelle pulled my name. This heffa had the nerve to buy me some loose leaf notebook paper as a present, when my mother bought a tea set for me to give to her in exchange.
Shiiiiiiiiiit, you can best believe I didn’t give her the tea set. Ain’t no way I was going to give up a tea set for some damn notebook paper! I brought my tea set back home. *shudders at the bad memories* My Mom confronted me about it when I walked through the door of our house with the tea set still in hand, but after hearing the whole story, she fully understood.
So tell me fellow bloggers, what was the worst gift you’ve ever received for Christmas?