Tappin’ Dat Ass

The following story is 10% embellished.

*insert Law & Order “donk donk” gavel sound*

So Amn.eris and I were talking on Yahoo the other night, philosophisizin’ (see Boyz N The Hood for further reference) and whatnot, and I tell her that I have a crush on Savion Glover. The conversation went something like this….

Nikki: “Guess what?”

Amn.eris: “What?”

Nikki: “I have a crush on Savion Glover.”

Amn.eris: “Bring Da Funk Savion?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “The little boy from Tap?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “Bamboo…”

Nikki: “Yeah dammit from Bamboozled, that Savion! Girl, I be havin’ fantasies about him.”

Amn.eris: “Fantasies like what?”

Nikki: “All types of fantasies. He looks like he can throw down in the bed.”

Amn.eris: “Throw down in bed? The tap dancing dude?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “The brotha who did the dancing for Happy Feet?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “The guy who danced in the Cing…”

Nikki: “Yes dammit, the guy from the Cingular commercial! That Savion!”

Amn.eris: “Alright, you know me. I gotta ask. Anyway, back to these fantasies you’re having?”

Nikki: “So like I said, I’ve been having fantasies about Savion. He’s tall and slim with big feet too, so he gotta be packin’.”

Amn.eris: “Yeah, he does look like he’s hung! But you know me, I like ‘em chocolate.”

Nikki: “Hey now, don’t hate on Lite-Brite.”

Amn.eris: “Lite-Brite?”

Nikki: “Yeah, that’s my pet name for him. Now stop interrupting me and let me finish.”

Amn.eris: “Continue.”

Nikki: “So anyway, I keep having fantasies about me getting it on with him.”

Amn.eris: “With Savion?”

Nikki: “What other Savion do you know?”

Amn.eris: “My bad, continue.”

Nikki: “Girl, don’t make me hurt you. Now where was I?”

Amn.eris: “Getting it on with Lite-Brite.”

Nikki: “Right. So I keep having this fantasy that he and I are living together. He hasn’t had a gig in a while and he’s become lazy. I go out everyday to work and I’ve become the breadwinner, and everyday I come in from work, he’s sitting down on the couch playing Madden on the Playstation.”

Amn.eris: “Just trifling.”

Nikki: “Right. So everyday I’m like, “Isn’t there some casting call somewhere? Can’t you audition for something. And he’s like, “I’m an artist baby! I don’t go on auditions, they come to me!”

Amn.eris: “No he didn’t?”

Nikki: “Yes he did.”

Amn.eris: “So why don’t you leave him?”

Nikki: “Girl, I can’t.”

Amn.eris: “What you mean you can’t? It is your fantasy, right?”

Nikki: “Right.”

Amn.eris: “So leave his ass.”

Nikki: “That’s just it, I can’t leave him, because he’s constantly blowin’ my back out!”

Amn.eris: “Whut chu say!” *does the Holy Ghost hand wave*

Nikki: “Girl I’m serious. Some days he’ll just walk around the house all day, eating syrup sandwiches and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and Nike sandals. Locs just cascading down his back. And he just grabs me, kisses me ferociously (Mrs. Butterworth syrup messing up my lipstick and shit) and has his way with me. It’s like a WWF wrestling match up in there.”

Amn.eris: “Wait a minute, the tap dancing guy is doin’ all of that?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “The Tony Awards guy?”

Nikki: “Yeah.”

Amn.eris: “Lite-Bri….”

Nikki: “Yeah dammit, Lite-Brite, Cingular guy, Bamboozled, Tony Awards! It’s still Savion!”

Amn.eris: “So I guess he was tappin’ dat ass?”

Nikki: *sigh* “See, this is why my mama won’t let me go outside to play with you.”

*brief silence*

Both: “Ha ha ha ha!”