My Brother’s Keeper

Posted by: Nikki   
February 13th,
2008

Ahhhhh, love is in the air. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, but I have a question. How do you stay friends with a couple when you know that one of them is cheating? Here’s the deal…..

A male friend of mine is friends with this couple that he’s known since his college days. He’s the frat brother of the husband and godfather of the couple’s daughter. But whenever he and his frat go out for a “boys night out”, his frat takes off his wedding band and places it in the ashtray of whatever car they’re riding in.

The frat brother flirts with various women and/or has slept with a few over the years, most times under the knowing eye of my friend. When the evening’s outing is over, the frat brother puts his wedding band back on his finger and goes home like nothing has ever happened.

So my question is, if you’re friends with the couple and you know that the husband is cheating on his wife, how can you even look her in the face, let alone your goddaughter, knowing that your boy is cheating on her? The wife is your friend too. And to make matters worse, he actually knew the wife before he met the frat brother. They’d met a year prior to he and his frat brother pledging. Heck, he even introduced the wife to the frat brother.

Tags: ,

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 13th, 2008 at 8:32 am and is filed under Matters of the Heart. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
Filed under » Matters of the Heart

11 Responses for "My Brother’s Keeper"

Tiki
February 13th, 2008 at 9:52 am   

That’s tough, depending on the brother.

My husband cut off contact with his cheating friend. That hurt his boy, because they were…..boys. He didn’t really know the wife, but it was principle for him. His thing was that eventually he’d get caught up and expect my husband to lie for him, when and if questioned by his wife. It was definitely a matter of when, not if, because the woman wasn’t stupid.

To the brother, that’s gotta be hard because I’m sure had he KNOWN dude was going to throw caution (AND commitment for that matter) to the wind, he never would’ve intro’d them in the first place.

Mwabi
February 13th, 2008 at 10:41 am   

Its that silent brutha code again! I’m sure this happens on the regular. *smh*

melette
February 13th, 2008 at 1:17 pm   

I think it’s all in how a person defines friendship.

Amadeo
February 13th, 2008 at 3:03 pm   

You always have to step to the dude first. I’ve seen dudes try to pull a guy off a woman only to end up with both of them throwing punches at him. You never know how someone will take something unless you have proof and going through all of that does seem like just trying to hurt the dude. He has to step directly to the dude. Problem there is if dude tips his wife first he could turn her against him.

Personally without having proof I’ve told sistas that dudes were bums and were ignored…only to have the dude demonstrate himself as a bum. The only times things have worked out well is when the sistas asks my opinion first.

jdid
February 13th, 2008 at 3:45 pm   

got to tread carefully with that one. I’d probably distance myself from the whole situation but maybe I’d talk to my boy first.

Dont think I’d tell the wife though cause there is just so much that could go wrong there. Unless you have photos of your man buck nekkid bang bang bang like john witherspoon said in boomerang then I’d probably try to just let it all unfold without getting involved. Thats pretty sad to say when I think about it but like I said just way too much drama that could happen there

Safa
February 13th, 2008 at 8:37 pm   

That’s a messy situation. I agree w/ JDID, I would not tell the wife. I wonder…is your friend married? I would like to think that a married friend would say something to his boy. He should tell his boy that he now feels uncomfortable hanging w/ him b/c of his behavior - at least during their boys nite out.

Vic Damone, Jr.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:32 am   

Ditto with SAFA and JDID. Your friend needs to have a sitdown of sorts with his frat and at least let his frat brother knows he’s not comfortable knowing about his infidelity. He needs to let his frat know that he’s not going to get in the way, but to also know that he doesn’t care to see or hear about said “stepping out.” Maybe even encourage him to do the right thing and at least stop cheating.

He could also just do away with the friendships, but that’s not what’s best either. But definitely do not go tell dude’s wife. That’s drama waiting to happen.

First Rate
February 15th, 2008 at 2:23 pm   

As a woman I used to say that I would want to know if my man or husband was cheating on me. And even though I still in my deepest heart believe that, I think to combine that situation with the embarrassment of being told by a third party would be more harmful than good.

But if you want to leave some bread crumbs so she can find her own way… hey.

tremaine
February 16th, 2008 at 11:41 am   

you never know with these matters. a lot of factors could be hanging in the balance. the wife could know already and is basically biding her time until she has a proper way out. women are so good at hiding their pain, and i’ve known a lot of women who did know and finding out from the friend (opening up a can of worms that needed to stay closed for a while) only made matters worse for their friendship. he’s digging the proper grave for himself. it’s only a matter of time. i wouldn’t let on that i know as the friend, and i wouldn’t tell the wife either, but… i may or may not take her out to a club that i know he will be at just so she could see for herself; sort of like leading her to the water, so to speak.

Sharon
February 16th, 2008 at 10:17 pm   

It is a sad state of affairs you detail here Nikki…

I’m not sure what exactly I would do, but I know for sure I could not continue to look the wife in the eye knowing what I did. I would have no choice but to distance myself from the family period or tell her husband that if he continued to put his bizness in my face, it would become his wife’s bizness. The fact is, as jacked up as the situation is, the husband is victimizing his friend in addition to his wife. By doing this on his Boys Nights, he is forcing his friend into an uncomfortable situation and therefore deserves a bit of discomfort of his own making!

Final analysis, remove oneself from the situation or change the situation itself by dealing with it head-on starting with the hubby and ending with wifey if necessary. Those are the only options that would allow me to look me in the eye.

Psun
February 28th, 2008 at 12:11 pm   

I have been put in this position more times than I care to recall. The worst time was when my cousin was cheating on his girl of like 5 years. They lived together with her two kids, and I was super close with them all, her kids called me uncle T… it was tough.

My cousin brought me around the other girl only once… He told me we were going for a drive, we end up at some girls house… my dumb azz didn’t even pick up that they were kicking it until the conversation became obvious and they kissed as we left. Literally, the conversation took place on the street with her leaning into the car all of 10-15 minutes. I cursed my cousin out, and told him he is fukked up. And not to bring me around it anymore. Being that he was blood, I didn’t tell his girl. But when the shyt hit the fan, and his girl talked to the homewrecker, the homewrecker mentioned meeting me…

If you could have seen the look of heartbreak on my cousin’s girl’s face… I felt horrible. She looked more hurt from me, cause given my cousin’s history, he was capable of this. But she never dreamed I would cosign. Keeping my mouth shut about one random 15 minute meeting through a car window changed our relationship permanently and I lost a great friend.

Leave a reply

Name (*)
Mail (*)
URI
Comment