I had one of the most frightening dreams last night.  It wasn’t a horror filled dream at all, but it was frightening nonetheless.   In this dream, my family and I were staying at a hotel and the following day we were supposed to depart for a cruise.

Well, the following day came and everyone was packed to leave for the cruise and I was downstairs in the hotel eating breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant.  My mother walks into the restaurant and tells me to go upstairs to my room and pack my clothes so that we can prepare to leave the hotel to head to the dock to board the ship.

Now, here’s where the dream gets scary for me….

I go to the elevator in the lobby to head upstairs to my room and each time I get off of the elevator on the floor of my room, it’s the same floor each and every time.  What I perceive as the correct floor, never is.  Try as I might, I can never get to my room, even though I pushed the right floor number on the elevator to get to my room.

Even when I decide to take the stairs to get to my room, I still can’t find my room because each time I open the door in the stairwell, it’s the same floor as the one I got off in the elevator.  It’s like I’m going in circles.  Sorta like when you’re watching a television show where people get lost in the woods and they pass the same tree every time.

It was like something out of the Twilight Zone.  I could never get to my room throughout the dream and I woke up with my body spent.  I was literally out of breath like I’d been running a marathon.  I am still baffled by this dream and I don’t know what it’s trying to tell me.

I went to my brother’s home this morning, to sweep his driveway. My brother is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq, and my mom and I try to make his home look “lived in” while he’s overseas. We rake the yard, sweep the driveway, feed his dog, etc.

Well, as I’m sweeping the driveway this morning, the school buses were picking up kids in his neighborhood to take to school. But what I noticed was that this one bus driver stopped in front of several homes, some just two doors down from each other, and blew the horn for the kids to come out to board the bus.

Say what? You mean to tell me that the kids are not standing on the corner to catch the bus anymore? I remember when I was a kid, we had to walk a block or two in the rain, sleet or snow to catch the bus. Hell, we were like the mailman, we walked, whether we wanted to or not. Sometimes our parents dropped us off at the bus stop, but that’s neither here nor there.

I say it all the time, and I’m saying it again right now. What kind of punk ass kids are we raising that your child can’t walk a block, not even a damn block most times, to catch the bus? This is a public school bus, not a taxi cab. The bus driver should not be pulling up to your driveway and honking the horn every damn day for your child to take his or her time to board.

If you live in a rural area, then you get a pass. Otherwise, get your lazy ass kids up and make them walk to the bus stop. This adds to the reason why childhood obesity is so rampant in the USA. If the child can’t walk to the bus stop, then how do you expect them to get any exercise? And don’t get me started on the public school system eliminating PE in some schools. Lazy bastards!

Dear Hillary,

I’m an Obama supporter. It is what it is, so don’t question my support. Anyway, I think I know one of the reasons why you may have lost so many delegates. You need to loosen up a bit. You’re too stuffy. A prude, if you will.

You’re always wearing these Ann Taylor type of suits with the long blazers, a conservative blouse and some ornate necklace that covers your entire neck. All of that gear is constricting. Makes you come off lookin’ uptight.

And what’s with all of the damn yellow suits that you’ve been wearing lately? They do nothing for your skin tone. Yellow makes your skin look paler. How about a nice orange sundress from J.Crew? You know, something to help your cheeks look rosy.

I got it! What about some low rise Levis and an Ed Hardy baby tee? Throw on a pair of Converse All-Stars, why don’t you? Get buck in yo Chucks! All I’m saying is, if you wanna be the People’s President, you gotta relate to the people.

And knockin’ back a shot at an Irish pub for a photo op won’t do it either. Come and kick it with me and my girls on Margarita Night at O’Charley’s or something. Buy us round of pitchers, that’ll impress me! Yell out a verse from a Biggie song with everybody on the dance floor when the DJ at the club cuts it up on old school night…..“Ask you what your interests are, who you be with….”

Play the That’s My Car game with some kids. Be a greeter for a day at Wal-Mart. I’m sure Delores and the girls need a break from standing all day greeting folks. Go and dish up the gossip with the ladies at the salon and wear your hair braided for a couple of weeks. Order a jalapeño pepper to go along with your two piece special at Church’s Chicken. Don’t be afraid to take risks!

I’m saying all of that to say this, Hil. You gotta loosen up. And now that you know the error of your ways, take these tools that I’ve given you and maybe we’ll see you in 2012. Peace. (2 fingas!)

Mockingly yours (but brutally honest),

Nikki

I was at the post office this morning purchasing stamps (still can’t believe the price has gone up to 42¢), and I saw a young man, who was a senior in high school, and his mother mailing his college application to some institution of higher learning.

What really impressed me was that this young man wasn’t content with just putting a stamp on the envelope to mail his application. He had the application overnighted to the college.

His mother said to him, “Are you sure you want to overnight it?” With conviction, the young man replied, “This is my future.” That right there, said it all to me. I love to see young people eager to advance their education.

As Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers say in their gospel song, The Blessing of Abraham, “It’s your inheritance. Get your inheritance!” So, get your inheritance, young man. I wish you well in your quest to achieve a higher education.

Do you recall on last year when I spoke about the possibility of having breast reduction surgery? Well, on Monday of this week, I had the procedure done. It was outpatient surgery which probably lasted about 4 hours from the point of surgery to the recovery room.

I remember some of the men were asking me, “Why would you want to have that done?” And I specifically remember Jdid yelling, “Nooooooooooo!” But, I knew that this was something that I had to do in order for my body to feel good. The strain on my back of carrying around 40DD’s on a 5’8 130lb frame was too much to bear.

So now I’m in a recovery transition. The first day wasn’t bad. I expected pain, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. But on that second day, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!” I felt pain all over my body. I couldn’t even lift a finger. I was crying like I was a newborn. And the worst pain was felt when I tried to walk through my home and my elbow barely tapped the inside frame of my bedroom door.

Have you ever seen a tuning fork vibrate? Well, my elbow was the tuning fork that vibrated my entire body. Just one big ball of pain from head to toe. But I must say that the drugs that were prescribed, Meprozine in particular, was quite lovely! When it kicks it, I don’t feel a thing. I also don’t remember a thing, which is not fun because friends have called to talk to me and I don’t remember a word of the conversation.

Today, I’m feeling pretty good. My bandages are off, I’m walking faster, and my strength is returning. The only medication I’m taking is antibiotics to prevent infection. I’m thinking clearer and I’m almost back to my old self.

Before the surgery, my doctor asked me what size I’d like to be and I told him a 34C. I am soooooo happy with this size. My back pain is literally gone. It’s strange putting on a blouse without my breasts engulfing 90% of the blouse. I feel great!

Now, I wouldn’t recommend this surgery for every woman. Trust me, I consulted with several physicians before I even thought about having a breast reduction. This was something that I had to do and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

How did I spend my Super Bowl Sunday? Well, I was stuck in the emergency room for most of the day. I’d been suffering from back pain for over a week and thought that it may have been just a back strain because I’d started hitting the gym heavy the past couple of weeks, but it turned out that I had a severe kidney infection.

So after a 4 hour stay in the ER, along with a shot of morphine and Valium, which I might say was quite a euphoric ride, I was released with a prescription for antibiotics and put on a liquid diet for the week. Liquid diet…….yuck! Soup, cranberry juice, white grape juice and jello.

Unable to drive myself home, my mother drove me home from the hospital.  And after she’d made sure that I was tucked safely in bed, she received a call on her cell from my brother. He was sick as well, so she had double duty with two grown ass kids. She rushed him to the clinic, thinking that they’d only be there maybe a couple of hours, but once they got there, there were 50 people ahead of my brother.

Everybody in that place had the flu, including my brother, who’s temp had spiked to 105º. And get this……………he’d already had two flu shots to help prevent catching the flu. Guess that didn’t work. So after a 5 hour wait at the clinic, he saw the physician and received his prescription. Extremely dehydrated, he was also put on a liquid diet for a couple of days.

Thank God for mothers. I don’t think she’s seen either of us sick at the same time since we were in middle school. She was our savior on yesterday, shuttling from the hospital, to the clinic, to the grocery store, playing nursemaid and cooking homemade soup. And there’s nothing better than soup from dear old Mom.