I have somehow been appointed as the organizer of my family reunion for this year. Let me say this……………I don’t ever want this friggin’ responsibility again. I am literally pulling my hair out!

Everybody wants the reunion to be pulled off, but nobody wants to be the one to organize it. I, like a big dummy, agreed to design the invitations, and thus was thrust into the position of HEAD HONCHO.

This year we’re going with a Hawaiian Luau theme. Hawaiian shirts, grass skirts, roasted pig, the works! Sounds pretty good, right? Well, let’s just see how fast the money for reunion dues start to trick in.

Lawd, sometimes it doesn’t pay to do things with relatives. They don’t want to work on your time, they want to work on their own time. If we weren’t kin, I’d kill ‘em!

Oh, I almost forgot. Check out the invitations. Kinda neat, eh? Just ignore the pixelated text.

Click pics to enlarge.

Should you have a background check run on someone you’re not even dating? My brother asked a friend of a friend to accompany him to a fraternity function. This lady had a background check done on my brother. And in her findings, she knew my name as well as my mother’s name. Why was this necessary?

Granted, she didn’t find one blemish in his background, but it’s not like my brother was going to date her on a regular. This was just as simple as escorting someone to an event. Can you believe the audacity of this chick? I don’t even know this woman and I’m pissed at the fact that she felt it necessary to have this procedure conducted for a one night event.

Ah, the holidays. A time for family gatherings………and also family drama. About a week before Christmas, one of my cousins found out that he was not the father of his ex-girlfriend’s son. For almost 2 years, my cousin had been providing for his then girlfriend and their son. And during that time, other family members kept telling him that he was not the father of the child.

Happy to have a son, my cousin chose not to listen to the naysayers. But in the back of his mind, he questioned the notion himself and decided to have a DNA test performed. Turns out, the naysayers were correct. He was not the father of the little boy. So during our family Christmas Eve dinner, some family members were congratulating my cousin for finally finding out the truth.

Sure, he no longer has to pay child support for a child that is not his, but for almost 2 years, he’s formed a bond with this little boy. Where does that leave the child? My cousin is the only father he’s known. And yes, the kid is young so he will probably forget my cousin over time, but there’s no easy answer to this.

My cousin may be dismissing this now, but he’s going to hurt later on. To have been called “Daddy” for 2 years and now there’s a void. And to think, I used to laugh at the Maury paternity test shows. But when someone that’s close to you has to go through it, it’s not a laughing matter.

My mom baked banana nut bread on Saturday. Mom always says that she can’t cook, but in reality, she can really throw down in the kitchen. So anyway, the family always looks forward to when my mom bakes banana nut bread, because it’s like once you started eating it, it’s hard to stop. It’s just that delicious.

So after she finished baking and let it cool, she invited my cousins, brother and I to partake of some. She told us, “Don’t eat that much at one time.” Now, I did warn you that it was so damn good that once you took a bite, you would want another, and another, and another. But let us not forget that bananas are fiber. So basically, the next day, you’re going to be regular, whether you wanted to be regular or not.

Well, on Sunday afternoon, my cousins, brother and I were outside playing with the younger cousins. Volleyball, tag and whatnot. And suddenly, my stomach started rumbling, so I paused a sec, then kept on playing. The next thing I knew, everybody else was experiencing rumbling sounds coming from their abdomen. I guess that running around kinda stirred up things and I said to myself, “Oh oh, this won’t be pretty.”

So imagine like 7 adults and 5 kids trying to make a mad dash to the house to occupy 3 toilets. My mom was like, “I told y’all to ease up on the banana nut bread on yesterday.” Now it’s an all out war to get to the porcelin God. Mothers against daughters, fathers against sons, brother against sister. We’re pushing and shoving. “I was here first. No I was here first.” We went through 3 cans of Lysol and a half a bottle of Febreeze. I think my colon was cleansed for the entire year.

Memo to self: No more of Mom’s banana nut bread for Nikki.

If you’re not really into someone, do not continue to date that person and definitely don’t entertain the idea of sleeping with them. I have a cousin who may have bitten off more than he can chew.

He’d been dating some woman from a neighboring state. They’d been out a few times, but my cousin never told the lady that he would be seeing her exclusively. Mistake #1. They’ve even slept together on occasion. Mistake #2.

This lady has been calling him so much, that he’s had to put a block on his home phone, so now she’s blowing up his cell phone. And on Monday, she did something completely outrageous. She bought him a motorcycle. Just out of the blue, she had a motorcycle delivered to his home.

My cousin had them to take the motorcycle back and told the lady to never contact him again. Then she tried to buy him a car the very next day. *insert music from the movie Psycho* And now she’s somehow tracked down his mother’s telephone number, so she’s bugging his mom. And get this, she told his mom that she was pregnant. *gasp*

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