Spilled to Perfection
Health
Health
How Similac Saved My Life
May 11th
Your girl almost died at a Mother’s Day BBQ. Lemme tell you how it happened…….
I love spicy foods, even though I know that they’re not good for me, because I tend to suffer from acid reflux. So what do I do? I eat spicy foods anyway. And living down South, that’s kinda hard to escape because that’s part of the beauty of Southern cooking, the use of spices.
So I’m attending a BBQ on Mother’s Day and I’m dining on BBQ ribs, jambalaya, crawfish and corn on the cob which has been boiled in crawfish boil. And what do I wash it all down with? Well, margaritas of course. This a recipe for death!
After ingesting all of those spicy foods, combined with the tequila in the margarita, my fuckin’ heart stopped! I kid you not. I blacked out momentarily and had an out of body experience. I was screaming, but no words were coming out. My friends were running to help me and everyone was panicking because I was panicking.
Luckily, most of my friends are nurses and one of them had sense enough to ask for glasses of milk for me to drink to coat my insides. But there was no regular milk on hand at the BBQ. The moms at the BBQ were able to scrap up Similac in their baby bags, so I had to down glasses (or shall I say bottles) of Simlac until I could get my bearings.
Thank God for Mothers! They came to my rescue and the Similac was a lifesaver. And for the record, Similac is nastier than a mofo. Babies must have awful tastebuds.
Mass Production
Feb 2nd
I’m sure by know all of you have heard about Nadya Suleman, the 33 year old mother of 6 that range from ages 7 – 2, who had octuplets last week. This story just keeps getting wilder and wilder.
First of all, the physician who inseminated her needs a beatdown because he or she knew that Nadya already had 6 children previously, all through in vitro fertilization.
Nadya claims that she didn’t want the eight other eggs that she had harvested to be destroyed, and since she wanted another daughter, she felt that she might as well have the eight remaining eggs artificially inseminated to up the chances for that girl. Huh?
Not only was she risking her life by having this procedure done, but the life of the unborn octuplets as well. Her mother says that Nadya was obsessed with having babies. Sounds like Nadya needs a little psychiatric help. Oh, but here’s a bit of irony. Before losing her job after becoming pregnant with the octuplets, Nadya was a psychiatric technician. Ain’t that a bitch?
Now here’s my gripe……..who is going to take care of these kids? The octuplets will need to stay in the hospital for at least 2-3 months and I heard this morning that additional medical care will run around $3 million+.
Nadya is selling her story for $2 million. Ok, that takes care of some of the medical expenses, but what about their healthcare after they leave the hospital? Oh, and did you forget that you have 6 other kids? What about the cost to raise those kids?
And not only that, it’s already hard for a lot of single mothers to even date and/or marry with one or two children. You have 14 friggin’ kids? I don’t know of too many men who will be rushing to date you. Lemme take that back, I don’t know of any. But there’s someone for everyone, or so they say.
Also, I hear that all 14 of Nadya’s children children have the same father. Is he going to step up to the plate? Again I ask, who is going to take care of these kids? *cough cough* Taxpayers *cough cough* Somebody has some explaining to do.
Nadya’s mother told CNN that once her daughter is released from the hospital, she must move out of their house. Oh yeah, I left that little tidbit out. Nadya is single and still living at home with her parents. Sounds like a bad after-school special.
Lazy Bastards
Aug 28th
I went to my brother’s home this morning, to sweep his driveway. My brother is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq, and my mom and I try to make his home look “lived in” while he’s overseas. We rake the yard, sweep the driveway, feed his dog, etc.
Well, as I’m sweeping the driveway this morning, the school buses were picking up kids in his neighborhood to take to school. But what I noticed was that this one bus driver stopped in front of several homes, some just two doors down from each other, and blew the horn for the kids to come out to board the bus.
Say what? You mean to tell me that the kids are not standing on the corner to catch the bus anymore? I remember when I was a kid, we had to walk a block or two in the rain, sleet or snow to catch the bus. Hell, we were like the mailman, we walked, whether we wanted to or not. Sometimes our parents dropped us off at the bus stop, but that’s neither here nor there.
I say it all the time, and I’m saying it again right now. What kind of punk ass kids are we raising that your child can’t walk a block, not even a damn block most times, to catch the bus? This is a public school bus, not a taxi cab. The bus driver should not be pulling up to your driveway and honking the horn every damn day for your child to take his or her time to board.
If you live in a rural area, then you get a pass. Otherwise, get your lazy ass kids up and make them walk to the bus stop. This adds to the reason why childhood obesity is so rampant in the USA. If the child can’t walk to the bus stop, then how do you expect them to get any exercise? And don’t get me started on the public school system eliminating PE in some schools. Lazy bastards!
Abreast of the Situation
Feb 28th
Do you recall on last year when I spoke about the possibility of having breast reduction surgery? Well, on Monday of this week, I had the procedure done. It was outpatient surgery which probably lasted about 4 hours from the point of surgery to the recovery room.
I remember some of the men were asking me, “Why would you want to have that done?” And I specifically remember Jdid yelling, “Nooooooooooo!” But, I knew that this was something that I had to do in order for my body to feel good. The strain on my back of carrying around 40DD’s on a 5′8 130lb frame was too much to bear.
So now I’m in a recovery transition. The first day wasn’t bad. I expected pain, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. But on that second day, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!” I felt pain all over my body. I couldn’t even lift a finger. I was crying like I was a newborn. And the worst pain was felt when I tried to walk through my home and my elbow barely tapped the inside frame of my bedroom door.
Have you ever seen a tuning fork vibrate? Well, my elbow was the tuning fork that vibrated my entire body. Just one big ball of pain from head to toe. But I must say that the drugs that were prescribed, Meprozine in particular, was quite lovely! When it kicks it, I don’t feel a thing. I also don’t remember a thing, which is not fun because friends have called to talk to me and I don’t remember a word of the conversation.
Today, I’m feeling pretty good. My bandages are off, I’m walking faster, and my strength is returning. The only medication I’m taking is antibiotics to prevent infection. I’m thinking clearer and I’m almost back to my old self.
Before the surgery, my doctor asked me what size I’d like to be and I told him a 34C. I am soooooo happy with this size. My back pain is literally gone. It’s strange putting on a blouse without my breasts engulfing 90% of the blouse. I feel great!
Now, I wouldn’t recommend this surgery for every woman. Trust me, I consulted with several physicians before I even thought about having a breast reduction. This was something that I had to do and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Daymares
Jun 20th
Have you ever taken a nap in the daytime and not been able to get up? You can literally see everything happening around you and even see your own body asleep, but you are fighting to wake up?
It’s as if you are having an out of body experience. You can look down upon your body and your surroundings, but cannot awaken. My mother and brother also have experienced this as well. My mom calls them daymares, like nightmares that occur in the daytime.
I would like to know the correct medical term for this. I’ve heard someone say before that they occur because of poor blood circulation, but I’m not for certain if this is true, because if both my mother and brother have experienced this, then could this be a hereditary trait?