In the neverending story of the Fallen Falcon, on yesterday, after entering a guilty plea in court, Michael Vick issued the following statement in a press conference:

“For most of my life, I’ve been a football player, not a public speaker, so, you know, I really don’t know, you know, how to say what I really want to say.

You know, I understand it’s - it’s important or not important, you know, as far as what you say but how you say things. So, you know, I take this opportunity just to speak from the heart.

First, I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that - that I’ve done and that I have allowed to happen. I want to personally apologize to commissioner Goodell, Arthur Blank, coach Bobby Petrino, my Atlanta Falcons teammates, you know, for our - for our previous discussions that we had. And I was not honest and forthright in our discussions, and, you know, I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least.

I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up.

I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering Michael Vick the person, not the football player.

I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here - not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I’ve done.

I’m totally responsible, and those things just didn’t have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It’s just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can’t happen.

Dog fighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it.

I’m upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God. And I think that’s the right thing to do as of right now.

Like I said, for this - for this entire situation I never pointed the finger at anybody else, I accepted responsibility for my actions of what I did and now I have to pay the consequences for it. But in a sense, I think it will help, you know, me as a person. I got a lot to think about in the next year or so.

I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world who was affected by this whole situation. And if I’m more disappointed with myself than anything it’s because of all the young people, young kids that I’ve let down, who look at Michael Vick as a role model. And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young kid out there in the world watching this interview right now who’s been following the case will use me as an example to using better judgment and making better decisions.

Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to.

So I got a lot of down time, a lot of time to think about my actions and what I’ve done and how to make Michael Vick a better person.

Thank you.”

And by the way, he said he’s found God. Why is that always the case when someone gets into trouble, regardless of if they’re a celebrity, athlete, or even the person next door, they all of a sudden have some revelation that they’ve found Jesus?

Jesus is not lost. It is you who are lost, or else you wouldn’t be constantly getting into trouble. And why call on Him now? Don’t wait until trouble befalls you. As the old hymn says, “I need thee every hour…..I need thee.”

The Mormons are gangsta! I have seen them ride their little Huffy bicycles in the toughest of ‘hoods and no one bothers them. Just going door to door with their Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints paraphernalia in hand trying to spread the Word.

Their bicycles are never stolen, and if they are, I’ve never heard of an incident of it happening, not even in the news. And they are bold too. Even in my middle class neighborhood, on Christmas Day of last year, some Mormons rang my doorbell to pass out literature, then sped off on their Huffys.

On Christmas friggin’ Day! Who does that? Talk about being a radical for Christ. They are some ride or die folks for real.

Megachurches are springing up daily. But can you really be fed properly from a church with 30,000 members? I mean I’m used to being at a church where the Pastor knows my name. Where if by chance I should happen to die today, he doesn’t need a script to eulogize me. He already knows me and can tell the people in attendance at my funeral witty stories about me, without having to get background information from my family.

How can a minister possibly have a personal relationship with his or her parishoners if you have 30,000 members? I want a minster that I can talk to after service without having to schedule an appointment 2 weeks in advance.

And then there’s the church itself, or shall I say the building, rather, because in essence, the real church is the people, not the place where service is being held. What is with these ampitheaters for churches? Am I going to see the Rolling Stones are am I going to get the Word? You have to literally hike to get into the church, because you parked your car in the parking lot which was like a block from the church. There are so many cars in the parking lot that off-duty police are directing traffic.

Then once you get into the church, it’s like a battle to get a seat in order to see the pulpit. Ushers are walking around with headsets on signaling each other where vacant seats are available. You have to squint from the nosebleed section to see the pulpit. Either that or the sermon is seen on Jumbotrons mounted in the arena.

And don’t get me started on some of these megachurches with gift shops inside of the church, where you can purchase the sermon that was just preached on cassette, cd, VHS or DVD, along with a complimentary prayer cloth. Is this what God intended?