The 4th film from The Fast and The Furious series, Fast & Furious, will be released in theaters nationwide this Friday.  Lemme get this straight.  You’ve taken out the word The from the title twice, so what’s the meaning of that?  Is that really gonna make a world of difference, by taking out one word from the title twice?

Couldn’t think of anything more original?  Some big shot executive actually got paid to think of a new title, which really didn’t involve much thought process.

First of all, the physician who inseminated her needs a beatdown because he or she knew that Nadya already had 6 children previously, all through in vitro fertilization.

Nadya claims that she didn’t want the eight other eggs that she had harvested to be destroyed, and since she wanted another daughter, she felt that she might as well have the eight remaining eggs artificially inseminated to up the chances for that girl.  Huh?

Not only was she risking her life by having this procedure done, but the life of the unborn octuplets as well.  Her mother says that Nadya was obsessed with having babies.  Sounds like Nadya needs a little psychiatric help.  Oh, but here’s a bit of irony.  Before losing her job after becoming pregnant with the octuplets, Nadya was a psychiatric technician.  Ain’t that a bitch?

Now here’s my gripe……..who is going to take care of these kids?  The octuplets will need to stay in the hospital for at least 2-3 months and I heard this morning that additional medical care will run around $3 million+.

Nadya is selling her story for $2 million.  Ok, that takes care of some of the medical expenses, but what about their healthcare after they leave the hospital?  Oh, and did you forget that you have 6 other kids?  What about the cost to raise those kids?

And not only that, it’s already hard for a lot of single mothers to even date and/or marry with one or two children.  You have 14 friggin’ kids?  I don’t know of too many men who will be rushing to date you.  Lemme take that back, I don’t know of any.  But there’s someone for everyone, or so they say.

Also, I hear that all 14 of Nadya’s children children have the same father.  Is he going to step up to the plate?  Again I ask, who is going to take care of these kids? *cough cough* Taxpayers *cough cough* Somebody has some explaining to do.

Nadya’s mother told CNN that once her daughter is released from the hospital, she must move out of their house.  Oh yeah, I left that little tidbit out.  Nadya is single and still living at home with her parents. Sounds like a bad after-school special.

I went to my brother’s home this morning, to sweep his driveway. My brother is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq, and my mom and I try to make his home look “lived in” while he’s overseas. We rake the yard, sweep the driveway, feed his dog, etc.

Well, as I’m sweeping the driveway this morning, the school buses were picking up kids in his neighborhood to take to school. But what I noticed was that this one bus driver stopped in front of several homes, some just two doors down from each other, and blew the horn for the kids to come out to board the bus.

Say what? You mean to tell me that the kids are not standing on the corner to catch the bus anymore? I remember when I was a kid, we had to walk a block or two in the rain, sleet or snow to catch the bus. Hell, we were like the mailman, we walked, whether we wanted to or not. Sometimes our parents dropped us off at the bus stop, but that’s neither here nor there.

I say it all the time, and I’m saying it again right now. What kind of punk ass kids are we raising that your child can’t walk a block, not even a damn block most times, to catch the bus? This is a public school bus, not a taxi cab. The bus driver should not be pulling up to your driveway and honking the horn every damn day for your child to take his or her time to board.

If you live in a rural area, then you get a pass. Otherwise, get your lazy ass kids up and make them walk to the bus stop. This adds to the reason why childhood obesity is so rampant in the USA. If the child can’t walk to the bus stop, then how do you expect them to get any exercise? And don’t get me started on the public school system eliminating PE in some schools. Lazy bastards!

Have you seen the video footage? Forrest Gump would say, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Fool, this is a damn tropical storm! What in the hell were you thinking? You can’t take on Mother Nature. She does not take kindly to those who try to defy her!

But not only was my name called. The nurse called the names of 5 other patients to see this same doctor as well. This is the part that I hate. Why call me back to see the doctor if the doctor isn’t going to see me at my appointed time?

So the nurse places me in a room to wait some more until the doctor is ready to see me. Now I’m sitting in that room while the doctor is probably seeing 4 other patients before she gets to me. Look, don’t schedule me if you’re not going to see me on time. I know you want to make that money and attend to each and every patient, but don’t rush over that patient to get to me and vice versa.

Many time the doctor doesn’t even touch you, yet you still have to pay an astronomical amount of money for the office visit. I mean damn, at least violate me or something if you’re gonna charge me that much money. It’s like herding cattle. Get them in, hold them in a pen, then let them go.

The same thing goes for beauty salons. I’ve seen beauticians stack customers in their appointment books for the same appointment time, then when the client comes in, they are not waited on until maybe an hour later. Or either the beautician slaps some perm on the clients hair to keep them quite while they work on another client’s hair.

Look, work on my damn head and complete it before you start on someone else’s hair. At least put me under the dryer and then start on someone else. Don’t scald my scalp with perm because you wanna wash and set some other person at the same time.

If it’s not the Flavor of Love trilogy, it’s the I Love New York shows. When Flav decided not to come back for a 4th time, I breathed a small sigh of relief………..that was until a week ago. Now New York is back with New York Goes To Hollywood and Diddy has a new reality show on VH1 called I Want To Work For Diddy, where he has folks scrambling to do his bidding.

VH1 (and apparently the majority of America) just loves to see Black people make fools of themselves. But I don’t think that VH1 is solely to blame. Viacom is the real culprit. Viacom owns VH1, MTV and BET. Those 3 channels alone have produced some of the worst reality shows on television. And guess which race dominates on those reality shows? You guessed it, Black people! And the majority of those shitty ass reality shows are shown on VH1, which is my reason for this rant.

This shit must stop! What the fuck is wrong with us? If I see one more person of color lowering themselves for the sake of fame and/or money, I’m gonna scream. And with most of these competitions, they only win like $100,000. And after taxes, you don’t end up with much money. Okay, you buy a car and what else? Not much left, huh? Just plain ignorant. Fame is fleeting. Stay your ass in school and away from VH1!

Not that I’m condoning the sale of illegal drugs, but I want to know what these drivers are doing to get stopped by the police? Are they driving erratically? Is there a big cloud of smoke coming from the windows of their vehicles? I mean damn, how do you get busted like that with a routine traffic stop? I know everybody can’t have a busted tail light.

Then he did a remix of Mariah Carey’s Touch My Body.  Another subpar song that I didn’t give a damn about.  But now that you’ve decided to remix Raheem DeVaughn’s Customer, in the words of Bill Duke in Menace II Society, “You know you done fucked up, right?”

You say things in the song like, I got some good, good lemonade?  Dude, keep the golden showers to yourself.  That’s part of what got your ass in trouble in the first place.  Why did you do this, A-Ruh?  You took a song that was fun, sensual and tasteful, and you soiled it……..literally (Drip, drip, drip) .  I don’t think that Raheem’s intent when he first released it.

Raheem had the perfect mix of a play on words describing his body and the love he has to give as food being served to a customer, and you took it upon yourself to raunch it up.  Don’t get me wrong, I like a little kink.  Who am I kidding?  I like a lot of kink!  But I like some class as well, and that’s what Raheem brought to the song.  So Kels, how about you just sing your own songs and stop trying to remix other artists songs?

Word on the street is that you’ve sent a letter to the Congressional Black Caucus urging them to force Barack Obama to make Hillary his VP running mate. Obama will make his choice when he’s good and ready. You won’t even let Obama enjoy this moment. You just had to interject yourself into the situation.

And what if Obama doesn’t want Hillary as his second in command, Bob? What are you gonna do? Create another BET to set African Americans back even further? Is Hillary blowin’ you are what? Look, I applaud you for trying to go that extra mile, but dude, dial it down a notch. This sounds like a desperate attempt from a sore loser.

Not a soft, pale pink (like that really makes a difference), but hot pink. And I’m not talking microbraids, either. I’m talkin’ about the big dookie braids that Janet Jackson rocked in Poetic Justice. Big ass pink, or as we say down South, pank, braids. And get this……..no hair net. *gasp*

Now I’m not one to be rude to waitresses, because I don’t want anyone spitting in my food, but this chick ain’t had not nann (yeah, I broke every verb with that one) hair net on and I’m supposed to let her serve me food? I think not.

I politely gathered my things and told my friends, “I’ll see you guys at church. And I’ll pray that you don’t choke on a pink strand of hair.”

You won a personal lawsuit on last year of $100,000+, yet you don’t pay your mortgage? And what da hell did you spend it on, because I don’t see anything new at your house. You’re still driving the same SUV you’ve been driving for over 5yrs. There’s no new furniture in your home. No new appliances or electronics. You don’t have any kids, so there’s no child to support.

Where did the money go? Just blew it all away, and nothing to show for it. Now I see why your wife divorced you. You are just plain stupid.

This evening, mom was reading our local newspaper and when she started perusing the obituaries, she said to me, “Umph, this is so sad.” I said, “What’s sad?” She replied, “A set of 1 day old twins died.” To which in turn I replied, “Awwww, that is sad.” She said, “No, that’s not the sad part.”

So now I’m like, “How can that not be sad? Losing a child has got to be a terrible thing.” She replied, “The sad part is that the twins were named Mar’Quarium and Mi’Zarium.” *blank stare* Now here’s the kicker, mom then said, “It’s a good thing they didn’t live long enough to find out that they had such fucked up names.”

At this point, I am on the floor literally laughing my ass off and trying to berate my mom at the same time for being so mean. So I say to her, “C’mon mom, that was soooo not a nice thing to say.” She looks at me and says, “Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking the same thing?” I replied, “Well, yeah.”

And don’t take this post the wrong way. Both my mother and I have sympathy for the parents who have lost their babies, but those names………why, Lawd? *shaking my head*

So far today I’ve heard the I Have A Dream speech mixed with Tender Love by the Force MD’s and also mixed with Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now by McFadden and Whitehead.

And I’m sure there are some other mixes floating around out there, but why? What’s next?

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of a Sensual Seduction (duction, duction)…..

*Roger Troutman vocoder adlibs*

I happened to see one of the commercials this morning and no longer are they specializing in the animal figurines that grow herbal plants, but now they’ve added Shrek, Homer Simpson, Scooby Doo and Shaggy, Bugs Bunny, Tweety, etc.

Who in their right mind wants to see an herbal afro growing on Tweety? Shaggy, yes, but Tweety? Blasphemy! Is the Chia Pet supposed to get kids interested in botany? What is it’s purpose? Whatever happened to watching seeds grow in a styrofoam cup? That’s how we did it in grade school.

I mean I like Matt Lauer, Meredith Vierra, Ann Curry and Al Rocker, but collectively, they are duller than the shine on Flavor Flav’s grill. And if I’m not mistaken, at one time, Good Morning America was spanking them in the ratings. Gotta love the banter between Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts.

I grew up on the Today Show. I can even recall my mother getting me dressed for kindergarten as a kid and the Today Show would be on as I dressed, so I have a warm spot in my heart for that show. But they are working my nerves with this 4 hour time slot.

By the 3rd hour, the show looks like an upscale public access show, just searching for topics. “Is your foot fungus preventing you from finding a decent date? Coming up after the break, on the Today Show.” I don’t want to see them go out like that. Cut back those hours!

Tag Heuer? Are you shitting me? These watches don’t come cheap. How come I’ve never gotten a cool ass gift for being in a wedding? Heck, I’ve been the maid of honor a couple of times and I can’t even begin to tell you the many times I’ve been a bridesmaid in someone’s wedding. Why couldn’t I get a Tag Heuer watch?

So let’s get a rundown of some of the gifts I have received over the years for being in a wedding:

• Crappy looking dresses that I wouldn’t ever wear again in life.
• Cheap looking jewelry that may have been bought in bulk from Claire’s.
• A pair of stockings. (Who does that? Can you actually believe that a bride bought her bridesmaids a pair of stockings each?)
• A pair of dyeable pumps from Butlers or Bakers that hurt my feet the entire time that I wore them during the wedding. (Thanks Connie, I sooooo didn’t need those.)
• $100 gift certificate from Victoria’s Secret, an all day spa treatment, a trip to Puerto Rico and a leather-bound journal engraved with my name. (Okay, this one wasn’t so bad. Good lookin’ out, Devin.)

What I’m trying to say here is that most times women get awful gifts for standing up for their girl on her special day. Sometimes you get some decent gifts, but 90% of the time, you never even use what you’ve been given. It’s like, “Is this how you think of me? Is that all that our years of friendship has amounted to? A pair of stockings………really? You shouldn’t have. No, you really shouldn’t have!”

Have you seen the previews for this movie? The film stars Antwan “Big Boi” Patton, who is one half of the hip hop duo Outkast, and Faizon Love. The premise is as follows:

Superstar rap mogul, C-Note (Big Boi), runs into fierce opposition when he tries to join the super stuffy Carolina Pines Golf & Country Club. Undeterred, C-Note gets the brilliant idea to buy the land adjacent to the golf club’s 17th hole, which he cleverly leverages to gain membership. C-Note’s crew wreaks havoc as they bring their larger-than-life style to the club. As the club’s hoighty-toighty leadership desperately tries to revoke C-Note’s membership, our hero realizes that his family’s honor – and secret record-breaking golf history – is at stake. As he takes on the fight of his life, C-Note pulls out all of the stops to bring down the club’s backwards establishment and welcome them to the 21st century.

My guess is that the writers and director were trying to create a Black version of Caddyshack with a message, but something tells me that it’s going to come off looking quite buffoonish.

And not only that, actor Jeffrey Jones is also in this film. In 2003, Mr. Jones was arrested for possession of child pornography and employing a 14-year-old boy to pose for pornographic photographs. There are various types of wrong associated with this film.

I went to the theater to see Ocean’s Thirteen on Friday and thoroughly enjoyed the flick. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about you parents who feel the need to bring your infants and toddlers to the movies.

I know you wanna impress your friends and co-workers by saying that you saw the latest movie during it’s opening weekend, but please, don’t bring the babies. What 2-3 month old knows who the hell George Clooney or Brad Pitt is? Lil Man Man wasn’t born to catch the first 2 films, so why should he be here for the final one?

I even remember when Ray first came out. There was this couple at the theater with their newborn twins. One baby is bad enough, but twins? And on top of that, one of the twins was sick. Not just sick, hooked up too some type breathing apparatus, so all you heard was the whirring of this machine and the wheezing from the baby. This was so damn irritating, that many of the people in the theater (including yours truly) threatened to jump on this couple if they didn’t get that kid out of there.

And it’s not just at the theater. I’ve seen this occur at sporting events as well. You see, I love to attend SWAC and SEC football and basketball games. And there are parents there with their infants and toddlers. Why? Your child has no knowledge of the game, plus lots of times it’s cold at those games and you’re putting your child at risk for colds and flu. Not to mention secondhand smoke which is wafting through the air and profanity being spewed left and right.

If you cannot find a babysitter for your child, maybe it’s best that you need not attend these types of events. Do us all a favor and stay at home. Wait for the dvd or listen to the game on the radio. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Has America lost their damn minds? Why is Sanjaya Malakar still on American Idol? It’s almost as if he’s daring America to vote his talentless ass off, but they haven’t yet. If it weren’t for Melinda Doolittle, LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis, I’d swear this season of Idol has been one long episode of Punk’d. I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out from behind the curtain to let us know he’s punked us.