I know that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday is today, but this must ssssssssstop! Why would you mix a Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. speech with an R&B song?

So far today I’ve heard the I Have A Dream speech mixed with Tender Love by the Force MD’s and also mixed with Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now by McFadden and Whitehead.

And I’m sure there are some other mixes floating around out there, but why? What’s next?

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of a Sensual Seduction (duction, duction)…..

*Roger Troutman vocoder adlibs*

The Chia Pet. Who buys this shit? And better yet, is this how you really think of your loved ones, by purchasing a Chia Pet for them for Christmas? Apparently someone is keeping the company who makes these afloat, because it has been around since the early 80’s and there’s a commercial on television every year at Christmastime.

I happened to see one of the commercials this morning and no longer are they specializing in the animal figurines that grow herbal plants, but now they’ve added Shrek, Homer Simpson, Scooby Doo and Shaggy, Bugs Bunny, Tweety, etc.

Who in their right mind wants to see an herbal afro growing on Tweety? Shaggy, yes, but Tweety? Blasphemy! Is the Chia Pet supposed to get kids interested in botany? What is it’s purpose? Whatever happened to watching seeds grow in a styrofoam cup? That’s how we did it in grade school.

So I’m watching The View this morning and during their hot topic section, comedianne Sherri Shepherd shows a copy of the latest issue of Radar magazine. She says that she was in an airport recently and saw the magazine and got offended by the cover.

The cover has the heads of presidential candidates photoshopped onto the bodies of other people. Granted, the cover is a take on a previous Vanity Fair cover mixed with a take on Mad magazine. Now what tripped me out even more is that there are other presidential candidates inside of the magazine whose heads have also been photoshopped onto other peoples bodies, but get this………only the Democratic candidates are nude and the Republicans are wearing clothes. Ain’t that a bitch?

Whose bright idea was it to have the Today Show on for 4 hours? When they went to 3 hours, it was too much, now it’s 4 hours of television time. Why? After 2 hours, the show is a snoozer. Heck, if you really wanna know, it should be cut down to an hour.

I mean I like Matt Lauer, Meredith Vierra, Ann Curry and Al Rocker, but collectively, they are duller than the shine on Flavor Flav’s grill. And if I’m not mistaken, at one time, Good Morning America was spanking them in the ratings. Gotta love the banter between Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts.

I grew up on the Today Show. I can even recall my mother getting me dressed for kindergarten as a kid and the Today Show would be on as I dressed, so I have a warm spot in my heart for that show. But they are working my nerves with this 4 hour time slot.

By the 3rd hour, the show looks like an upscale public access show, just searching for topics. “Is your foot fungus preventing you from finding a decent date? Coming up after the break, on the Today Show.” I don’t want to see them go out like that. Cut back those hours!

I’m due to pick up my brother from the airport in a couple of hours. He flew to Los Angeles on Thursday to participate in his best friend’s wedding, which was on Saturday. My brother was the best man. And as best man, his best friend gave him a Tag Heuer watch as a present for standing by him on his special day.

Tag Heuer? Are you shitting me? These watches don’t come cheap. How come I’ve never gotten a cool ass gift for being in a wedding? Heck, I’ve been the maid of honor a couple of times and I can’t even begin to tell you the many times I’ve been a bridesmaid in someone’s wedding. Why couldn’t I get a Tag Heuer watch?

So let’s get a rundown of some of the gifts I have received over the years for being in a wedding:

• Crappy looking dresses that I wouldn’t ever wear again in life.
• Cheap looking jewelry that may have been bought in bulk from Claire’s.
• A pair of stockings. (Who does that? Can you actually believe that a bride bought her bridesmaids a pair of stockings each?)
• A pair of dyeable pumps from Butlers or Bakers that hurt my feet the entire time that I wore them during the wedding. (Thanks Connie, I sooooo didn’t need those.)
• $100 gift certificate from Victoria’s Secret, an all day spa treatment, a trip to Puerto Rico and a leather-bound journal engraved with my name. (Okay, this one wasn’t so bad. Good lookin’ out, Devin.)

What I’m trying to say here is that most times women get awful gifts for standing up for their girl on her special day. Sometimes you get some decent gifts, but 90% of the time, you never even use what you’ve been given. It’s like, “Is this how you think of me? Is that all that our years of friendship has amounted to? A pair of stockings………really? You shouldn’t have. No, you really shouldn’t have!”