Bob Johnson………sit yo ass down somewhere! First you dog Obama out while you’re rallying in support of Hillary Clinton, and now that she’s not the Democratic nominee for President, you’re practically demanding that Obama takes her on as his running mate for Vice President.

Word on the street is that you’ve sent a letter to the Congressional Black Caucus urging them to force Barack Obama to make Hillary his VP running mate. Obama will make his choice when he’s good and ready. You won’t even let Obama enjoy this moment. You just had to interject yourself into the situation.

And what if Obama doesn’t want Hillary as his second in command, Bob? What are you gonna do? Create another BET to set African Americans back even further? Is Hillary blowin’ you are what? Look, I applaud you for trying to go that extra mile, but dude, dial it down a notch. This sounds like a desperate attempt from a sore loser.

Dear Hillary,

I’m an Obama supporter. It is what it is, so don’t question my support. Anyway, I think I know one of the reasons why you may have lost so many delegates. You need to loosen up a bit. You’re too stuffy. A prude, if you will.

You’re always wearing these Ann Taylor type of suits with the long blazers, a conservative blouse and some ornate necklace that covers your entire neck. All of that gear is constricting. Makes you come off lookin’ uptight.

And what’s with all of the damn yellow suits that you’ve been wearing lately? They do nothing for your skin tone. Yellow makes your skin look paler. How about a nice orange sundress from J.Crew? You know, something to help your cheeks look rosy.

I got it! What about some low rise Levis and an Ed Hardy baby tee? Throw on a pair of Converse All-Stars, why don’t you? Get buck in yo Chucks! All I’m saying is, if you wanna be the People’s President, you gotta relate to the people.

And knockin’ back a shot at an Irish pub for a photo op won’t do it either. Come and kick it with me and my girls on Margarita Night at O’Charley’s or something. Buy us round of pitchers, that’ll impress me! Yell out a verse from a Biggie song with everybody on the dance floor when the DJ at the club cuts it up on old school night…..“Ask you what your interests are, who you be with….”

Play the That’s My Car game with some kids. Be a greeter for a day at Wal-Mart. I’m sure Delores and the girls need a break from standing all day greeting folks. Go and dish up the gossip with the ladies at the salon and wear your hair braided for a couple of weeks. Order a jalapeño pepper to go along with your two piece special at Church’s Chicken. Don’t be afraid to take risks!

I’m saying all of that to say this, Hil. You gotta loosen up. And now that you know the error of your ways, take these tools that I’ve given you and maybe we’ll see you in 2012. Peace. (2 fingas!)

Mockingly yours (but brutally honest),

Nikki